Old Tom Foolery
10. Oct, 2008 
2 Comments
Why do all the greeting cards in newsagencies have to suck? Is there a law that insists the entirety of the card section be full of shitty Hallmark moments? Who are the people who buy these things anyway? Do they even flinch at paying $5 for a sappy picture of a puppy playing with a baby aryan princess in a meadow? Take heed, shitty greeting cards are one of the greatest dangers facing the world today. Financial market meltdown has nothing on the horrible affront to humanity that is Hallmark and it’s clones. I say we start a proposition to list Hallmark alongside Al-Qaeda in the pantheon of all that is evil on earth.
In this world increasingly overrun with shitty cards, there are, however, vestiges of hope. All is not lost. Young upstarts like Old Tom Foolery are out there, challenging the empire and its evil overlords. With their smarmy caveats to seemingly innocuous greetings, thanks and congratulations, the Old Tom Foolery Range is a refreshing change from the false platitudes offered by Hallmark’s shitty copywriting team. But it’s not just the content that sets Old Tom Foolery apart. Letterpressed by hand on premium 100% cotton paper, the cards have a look and finish that would send Patrick Bateman rushing into the bathrooms in paroxyms of rage whilst you sit back, smugly basking in coos of approval from the recipient.
The range was originally inspired by a young man’s quest to woo his love with cards that suitably reflected his humour, aesthetic and masculinity. After successfully convincing the young lady to give him his hand in marriage, the newly engaged duo put their heads together and set out to share their concept of unsappy, uncrappy letterpress greetings with the world. And thus Old Tom Foolery came to be.
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where have these been all my sarcastic life? “Be mine. Or die.” is flat out fabulous.
how about a christmas one;
“HO HO HO*
*- You’re 3x a bitch”